Dear Mom: I'm Proud to be the Fruit of Your Loins

Today was Mother's Day, so this one's for my mom.

Mom,

I would like to thank you for all the gifts you've given me. Today, I will list three of my favorites.

1. Life - I'm liking this whole being alive thing. It seems to be working out pretty well for me. Also, you managed to pop me out three years TO THE DAY after the birth of my future husband, thus ensuring that I would never have any difficulty remembering his birthday. Well done!

2. Eyesight - Remember when you and Dad paid for my Lasik surgery? That was awesome. Among other benefits, now that I don't have to wear contacts the amount of finger-to-eyeball contact time I used to experience each day has been drastically reduced.

3. My Butt - That butt I got from you makes it tough to fit into jeans sometimes, but it's truly a fantastic family heirloom. Thanks for passing it down! Jason seems to think it's pretty great too.

My mom, pictured here with my dad.

He helped her out with both number one and number two on the above list.

He's a good helper like that.