Monday, August 30, 2010

Meghan's Birthday at the Dinosaur Farm

Yesterday was my friend Meghan's birthday. I took her to the dinosaur farm to go Brachiosaurusback riding. The Brachiosaurus they picked out for her was really great; she barely had to use her Brachiosaurus-beating pole at all - she just kept it resting on her lap for most of the ride.

I made sure to take a photo. Look what a great time she's having!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

New Toy!

Coworker Katie is a great girl. She used her superior iPhone to take photos for two of my recent blogs. Today I took a look at some of the photos she took for me...

(this photo from Katie's iPhone)

... see how you can read even the little words? Then I looked at some recent photos I posted here that were taken on my phone...

(this photo from my lamePhone)

... see how you can read, um, nothing? Except the words I added digitally after the photo was taken?

Well, I decided it was time for me to be a big girl and buy a new phone with a decent camera. Behold!

This phone has a 3 megapixel camera.

My old phone boasted a camera with 640 x 480 resolution which, according to a megapixel converter I found online, is equivalent to .3 megapixels. As in, 0.3. As in, a whole decimal placement of difference.

I am pleased with this upgrade.

Here is the first photo I took with my new phone:

Hooray! Don't worry, in the future I plan to use it for posting things other than just me squealing in slack-jawed delight.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Critical Analysis of a Portrait Drawn by a Child Prodigy

The other day, at my restaurant job, a coworker found a drawing that a child had left behind at one of his tables. As this particular coworker (a fine gentleman named Jon) has a keen eye for good art, he posted the drawing outside the break room for everyone to enjoy.

There are a lot of things that I love about this drawing. In this post, I will discuss two of those things.

Number one...

The drawing is clearly labeled. There is no need for the viewer to ask themselves, "What am I looking at?", because the answer is right there: It is a drawing.

Number two...

The young artist has endeavored to comment on the pedestrian limitations of titles. He has avoided his subject's given name, instead choosing to juxtapose the categorical (the type of animal) with the individually specific (the subject's most abiding question about the nature of life). A mispelling is even thrown in there as a subtle, yet acutely relevant joke. Thus, Eeyore becomes (Why me) Donky.

If you have any further observations on this piece of art, please share them in the comments section. I'm eager to see what sort of thoughts this drawing inspires!

* Photographs taken by Katie Eisnor.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

You're a jerk. A knee-jerk.

When I sneeze, I often have a literal knee-jerk reaction. Without meaning to, I either yank up my knee or kick out a foot.

It looks pretty silly.

It has, however, occurred to me that there are worse spasms I could have when sneezing. Something like this comes to mind:

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Great Celery Revelation

When I'm at my restaurant job and no one is looking, I like to pretend that the garnish area over at the bar is my own personal buffet. Olives, cucumber slices, orange wedges, maraschino cherries - I graze on them with stealthy gusto.

The other night I was hiding in the break room, covertly munching on a piece of celery that had been meant for a Bloody Mary, when I noticed something unusual.

This was no ordinary piece of celery. This was...

The most triumphant piece of celery EVER!*


* Photograph of Triumphant Celery taken by Katie Eisnor.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Today I Won

Today was one of those lucky days where I was presented with a solid win for every major downer that was sent my way.


Downer: I had to be up at 4 AM to go to my coffee shop job.
Win: Jason woke me up with breakfast in bed.

Downer: I saw a hawk almost kill itself when it hurtled into a plate glass window at the coffee shop.
Win: Cool, a hawk!

Downer: Tonight, at my restaurant job, we had a little goodbye party for a coworker who is moving to San Diego.
Win: Ice cream cake!

Downer: One of my guests at the restaurant was a miserable Cruella de Vil look-alike who left me a three dollar tip on a seventy dollar check.
Win: Still really excited about the ice cream cake!

Goodnight everyone. I'm going to go think some more about ice cream cake.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Dreamwaking? Awake-dreaming? Self-inflicted mind torture?

I'm sure there's a term out there for this hateful occurence. I'm just too tired to search for it.

Occasionally I experience an awful state of "sleep" where I'm dreaming but my eyes are open and I'm aware of my surroundings. Thus, the setting and circumstances of my anxiety dream are sort of layered over the dark bedroom that I'm in. I'll be surrounded by desks or dining tables, people will be passing through the room or lining up in the doorway and waiting to be seated. My bedroom will simultaneously be my bedroom and the restaurant I work in, or the high school I went to, or even a set piece in a play I'm expected to perform in. While all these dream-things are happening around me, I'm acutely aware that I'm exhausted and don't have the energy to get out of bed.

It's horrible. I get out of bed more tired than I was when I got in.

Why does my own mind conspire so cruelly against me?

Ugh. Please wish me better luck tonight.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My New Favorite Word

Take a look at the sign in the rear window of this car:

I know it's tough to tell (the camera on my cell phone is pretty wimpy), but that sign says:


Oh man, I was really impressed with that message - not only because it was so brazenly displayed, but because the vocabulary was awesome. Whoremasters? What a badass word! I couldn't help but imagine it plastered across the cover of an epic fantasy novel - one that tells the tale of a great hero who uses his innate magical powers to summon and control a pack of supernatural streetwalkers.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Deep Thoughts Du Jour

Tonight at work, when I clocked in at the main computer, I noticed that someone had affixed a tiny inspirational note to the monitor. I read the note and was touched by the sentiment. So, in an attempt to keep the good energy flowing, I posted another note next to the original.

"Fear less, hope more; whine less, breathe more;
talk less, say more; hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours."
- Swedish proverb

"I make forr you zee meety bolls."
- Swedish Chef

Börk, börk, börk...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Words I Hate

Yesterday I mentioned to a coworker that I was planning to "splurge on a new book". As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I shuddered. I don't know why I used that word - I hate it. Splurge. It sounds like something you do after too many shots of tequila.

The sentence, "Today I splurged on a new book," sounds like it should be responded to with, "That's too bad - you didn't have time to make it to the toilet?"


I love books. I would feel terrible if I splurged on one.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Will You Go to the Prom with Me?

I attended three proms. What a lucky girl!

Before Milford High Junior Prom, 1999, with my friends Tessa and Tynan, and my date Sean.
No, I don't remember why we were all so disgusted and confused.
Yes, that is how pale I naturally am.

Before the Hopedale Junior-Senior Prom, 1999.With my friend Tynan, again, before meeting up with our dates.
If I wasn't going to wear all black, clearly I had to wear something white, gauzy
 and mystical looking topped with a Renaissance-style bodice.

I don't have any pictures of the third prom I went to - probably because I crashed it. After being dumped as a date by two consecutive guys (thanks, Tynan.) before my MHS Senior Prom, I decided that proms were stupid and I refused to buy a ticket.

Then, a week before the prom, I met some random guy at a poetry reading in Worcester who read a poem about his car catching on fire. I asked him to go to the prom with me and he agreed. We then dated for the rest of the summer.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Rejoicing in an Orgy of Self Pity

I worked sixty hours this week. After getting out of work today I collapsed into a three-hour nap and then woke up in an Olympic-sized pool of my own drool.

No, no, don't feel bad for me - I'm lavishing enough pity on myself for all of us.

I didn't feel like I had the energy for a substantial blog entry, so I just drew a quick picture. This is what I look like most of the time now:

Don't be confused, my hair is not on fire in this drawing. Lately I've been pulling my hair back and tucking my bangs under a headband (or hairband) right after getting out the shower in the morning. When I remove my headband at the end of the day, my bangs have dried into a fan-like crest of hair sticking straight up from my forehead.

The resulting effect is that my bangs appear to be perpetually offering a high-five.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

This Tattoo is Iller Than Your Tattoo

Tonight I saw a guy with a tattoo that said "iller" stretching vertically down his arm from beneath his sleeve.

Presumably, there was more tattoo hidden under the fabric of the T-shirt. I contemplated the possibilities.

If you have any more ideas, please feel free to post them.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Simple But Brilliant New Weight Loss Strategy!

Tonight at work, a guest of mine complained about her half-eaten shrimp entree and had the meal taken off her check. Her complaint? The food took so long to arrive that she lost her appetite.

I didn't quite understand the logic behind such a predicament, but I was intrigued*.

Now it's almost midnight and I have to work a double shift tomorrow. I'm going to spend a few hours watching TV and aimlessly surfing the internet. Hopefully, if I wait long enough to go to bed, I'll lose all my sleepiness.

I'll let you know in my next post how it works out.

* - I was also excited by the possibility that I might have been waiting on someone who was living backwards through time. MerLynne, is that you?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'm Back!

Hi! I'm back from my vacation from the internet! I missed you.

I work two jobs now (7 days a week, 55+ hours a week), so I forsee a lot of hasty, delirious drawings and photos in this blog's future. Hooray!


Dear Children of the World (Current, Future and Past),

Plenty of people warn you not to take candy from strangers. But no one warns you not to take candy from squirrels.

And that's not right.

The following pictorial warning is a generous and selfless service from me to you: