Saturday, January 30, 2010

In which I am cranky because I'm thirsty, but I'm too lazy to get myself something to drink...

Friday, January 29, 2010

Things I Learned Tonight on Wikipedia

All your Little Miss Muffet, Goldilocks and Oliver Twist fantasies may be more attainable than you thought!

While taking a stroll through Wikipedia tonight, I learned the following things:

1. Cottage cheese is curds and whey.

2. Oatmeal is a type of porridge.

3. Cream of Wheat is a type of gruel.

Number three was an especially exciting revelation for me; as a child, I sometimes pretended that my Instant Cream of Wheat was gruel with Smurfs mixed into it.

Turns out, I wasn't just demented - I was intuitive too!

I celebrated my new knowledge by making myself a nice bowl of porridge.

It was juuust right.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Lola Cutter Hensel is writing a blog entry.

I see a lot of girlies

on the internet today,
they don't know how to spell
but they've got a lot to say.

I've been feeling nostalgic. Today I thought about my friend Mark, who I haven't seen in over six years.

One time, at a party, Mark led me to an empty room and sat me down. He held my hand and looked into my eyes. His face was grave. "Lola," he said "I have to tell you something." I waited. He squeezed my hand and said, "I have SIDS."

I froze, confused. For a second I was convinced that he had meant to say "AIDS" but, in his emotional state, had misspoken. Then he said, "At any moment I could turn into a baby and die."

I miss him.* He doesn't, however, have a Facebook account and how does anyone keep in touch with anyone without Facebook? I don't remember it well, but the pre-internet age must have been a very dark and terrible time. No one ever knew what anyone else's status was.

* - To the best of my knowledge, Mark is still both adult and alive.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Prepare to meet your doom!

Tonight at work I walked by a table that was occupied by a family of four. At that table, a little boy had a chopstick poised inches above a small bowl of grapes. As I passed, the boy yelled, "Prepare to meet your doom, grapes!"

My first instinct was to laugh.

So I did.

My second instinct was to consider all the ways I could help the boy in his mission of terror. As luck would have it, the restaurant I work for is currently featuring a Haitian Rum Raisin Bread Pudding. Get where this is going? Yeah... we have raisins in the kitchen.

I imagined tossing a handful of raisins on the table where the grapes were, then leaning down and screaming into those grapes grape-y faces, "Look what we did to your friends, grapes!"


I can't wait to have kids.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Crazy Cat Lady

For those of you who haven't met them yet, these are my babies...


and Spike:

At some point in your life you may have asked yourself, "What kind of a person is sick enough to dress up their pet?"

Well, now you know.

Yeah, I know he looks mad.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Adventures in Anonymous Texting

The following is a conversation via text message that happened between 11:55 AM and 12:25 PM today. The identity of the anonymous texter remains a mystery.

781-521-****: Hi honey ru up

Me: I am up... Who am i texting to?

781-521-****: Your mom

Me: Lies. My mom could not have written a two-word text that quickly.

781-521-****: Are you calling me a lier?

Me: No, i am calling you a liar. I would not call you a "lier" because i looked it up in the dictionary and i'm pretty sure there's no such thing.

781-521-****: Stop acting. Like a jeck

Me: Forgive my ignorance of made-up words - but i need you to tell me what a "jeck" is before i can desist in acting like one. You are making me gliffoggle.

Me: See? I can make up words too.

Me: P.S. "Gliffoggle" was the made-up word. Not "desist".

781-521-****: Go back to sleep

Look! I had curly hair last night!

Guess who discovered the "Photo Booth" program on Jason's MacBook?