Wednesday, November 4, 2009

a succulent brain roast

After a few days of coughing and sneezing, I woke up last Friday morning with a sore throat. I suffered through work that night and chose to ignore the signs of impending illness and celebrated Halloween Eve out in Salem with friends, drinking margaritas and dancing.

I paid for it. Paid for it like you might pay for maxing out a $500 limit credit card which you then forgot about for six months.

Saturday afternoon found me at the doctor's office, Jason at my side (he did all the talking for me because I could barely speak), a disposable face mask strapped over my nose and mouth, gasping for breath. The Nurse Practitioner saw me and did the following things:

- took note of my symptoms.

- established that I had a fever.

- jabbed a loooong cotton swab so far up my right nostril that I involuntarily kicked my feet in pain and wondered briefly if I was being subjected to the brain-removal step of mummification.

- looked befuddled when I told her I had received a flu shot

- hilariously screwed up my name while talking to someone else in the hallway outside ("Um, I think her name is... Lola... Van Cutter?").

My chest was x-rayed and I was given a note excusing me from the next three days of work, along with prescriptions for an inhaler and cough syrup with codeine. The diagnosis?

A "flu-like virus".

This brought me right back to the time when I missed weeks of classes my junior year of high school after being diagnosed with a "mononucleosis-like virus". It seems like I only catch imitator, generic versions of illnesses and never the prestigious brand name ones.

I spent the next few days between my couch and bed, my brain being slowly stewed beneath fever and a thick glaze of medicated cough syrup, dreaming crazy, bizarre dreams and occasionally choking on my own mucus.

Oh boy.

I missed Jeff and Kolleen's much anticipated costume-mandatory Halloween wedding, the Edgewater Cafe's huge closing goodbye party and three shifts of work.

What didn't I miss? Excessive, indulgent levels of self-pity. I gorged myself on it.

It's Wednesday night now, and I estimate that my systems are back up around 75%. In between naps today I had enough energy to wash a few dishes, do two loads of laundry, score a few achievement points for Civilization Revolution on the 360 and finally visit the new-ish Sonic on Route 1!

I'm setting my goals even higher for tomorrow. Perhaps I'll wash all the dirty dishes? Stay tuned and wish me luck!