Great American Dialogues

One of the great perks of my job is that, as a perceived "non-human entity", I get to eavesdrop on a lot of conversations. From family squabbles, to soul-sucking business plots, to intimate confessions - I hear it all. Most people don't notice me as I lean in, because I'm wearing all black and scraping their soiled handi-wipes off the tabletop.

Today, however, as I cleared and cleaned a table, I enjoyed the singular pleasure of listening in on a husband-and-wife conversation that revolved around the thought-provoking content of the back of a Heinz ketchup bottle.

Him: Huh. "Certified Organic by Oregon Tilth."
Her: Hmm.
Him: "Shake well before first use."
Her: (sucking noisily on a shrimp tail) Huh.
(Ten second pause.)
Him: "For best results... refrigerate after opening."

Well, this was certainly a couple that enjoyed the little things.

I would like to point out at this point that "stopping and smelling the roses" doesn't necessarily require that one measure the number, length and width of the thorns.