The Method to My (Sock) Madness

Some people who know me well are aware of the fact that I never wear matching socks - a habit that I developed while still in grade school. What most of these people are not aware of, though, is the very deliberate and formulated way that I choose my unmatched pairs each morning.

Here is a brief guideline to my carefully developed system (please note that, while covering the basics, this is by no means a complete list of my methods):

1.) While they're never identical, my socks always do, in their own way, match; I take care to coordinate color and style. I would never, for example, wear an ankle sock on one foot and a tube sock on the other.

2.) My left foot is my "girl foot", while my right foot is my "boy foot".

3.) I consider circles to be feminine and lines to be masculine. So, in the above photo, Lefty is decked out in pastel polka dots and Righty sports stripes of a coordinating color.

 

4.) Here we have a case where the circles would go on the boy's side: In Relationship Psychology, some people allege that men respond more to visual stimulation, while women are more responsive to verbal stimulation. Thus, I sometimes like to dress Lady Left Foot in socks that have words or phrases on them and then assign Sir Right Foot something more visually entertaining.

5.) In the animal world, the appearance of a female creature is often more drab than that of their male counterparts; the males need to be theatrical because there is so much competition for mating privileges, while the females can just relax, go casual and be choosy. Male elks have their impressive antlers, male birds have their flashy colors, and male lions have their big, showy manes...

 

... and so it is with my socks...

 

Above, we see a modestly attired left female footbeast snuggling up to the triumphantly ostentatious right male footbeast.

6.) Up here we have a pretty straightforwad example: Ms. Left in ladylike pink and Mr. Right in boyish blue. Sometimes, though, when I'm feeling frisky, I get a real kick out of cross-dressing them.

See? How delightfully outrageous!