Your Sushi's So Easy...

This sign is posted in front of my favorite Chinese restaurant:

I love this sign.

I assume that what they meant to say was, "Our sushi chef can even prepare sushi in your home," - a sort of "imagine the possibilities" enticement. Instead, a simple misplacement of words makes this advertisement come across as a condescending comment on how remarkably easy sushi preparation is.

"Even our sushi chef can prepare sushi in your home... and he's 
a drunken howler monkey. So what's your excuse?"

Alas, the oh-so-elementary skill of making sushi is beyond my ability, so I'm forced to rely on the disdainful proprietors of this Chinese restaurant for my maki fix.

Lame Candy

Here's a photo I snapped on my camera phone today:

Marshmallow Christmas Lights. I could perhaps see the festive, fun qualities of, say, a candy necklace that is made to look like a string of Christmas lights. However, a single, dry, puffy light seems kind of pathetic.

I made some quick sketches of further candy ideas that this company might like.

Marshmallow Reindeer Antler

Marshmallow Christmas Tree Needle

Marshmallow Hanukkah Candle Dripping

If you have any more ideas, please post them and I'll make sure to pass them along.

Dumb-o-saurus

One of my coworkers showed up at work at 5 AM today when he wasn't actually scheduled to be in until 5 PM. In describing his folly, he compared himself to a "dumb-o-saurus."

This reference of a dumb-o-saurus, used in a negative light, puzzled me. The dumb-o-saurus is actually one of my favorite dinosaurs. I mean, they obviously have their faults, but there's no denying that they're totally awesome.

For those of you who aren't as educated about prehistoric animals as I am, here are a couple of illustrations that show why dumb-o-saurus was such an amazing member of the dinosaur family:

Misused Phrase of the Day: I'm Not Gonna Lie...

I love the English language. I love all the ways it can be used, and I find it hilarious when it’s abused. I have a number of favorite language and grammar abuses, such as inappropriate quotation marks and misuse of the word “literally”. Here’s a new one: The phrase, “I’m not gonna lie.”

I hear people use this phrase often. It is usually abused.

Here is an example of the phrase properly used:

“I’m not gonna lie, this punch I’m about to aim at your head is going to hurt.”

Okay, you’re going to punch someone in the head and you don’t want to sugar coat the situation. The punch is going to hurt and you’re not going to lie about it. Good for you.

Here is an example of the phrase being abused (I really heard someone say this recently):

“I’m not gonna lie, this brownie sundae is delicious.”

What? Why on earth would you lie about that? Unless said brownie sundae has been garnished with amputated puppy ears, you have absolutely no reason to conceal your pleasure in eating it.