Spell Gone Wrong

When I was little, my parents engaged in a practice only utilized with children and dogs: they spelled out phrases they didn't want me to recognize. Before I learned to spell, I was frequently frustrated by my mom and dad stringing together mystical arrangements of letters that I had no hope of decoding. For all I knew, they were saying things like, "Honey, I could really use a quiet morning today. Let's crush up S-L-E-E-P-I-N-G P-I-L-L-S in our daughter's C-H-E-E-R-I-O-S."

Things got even more annoying when my older sister, who was four years ahead of me in school, joined my parents fancy spelling club. I was surrounded by spellers. I wasn't yet able to extract meaning from letter combinations, but I was smart enough to know that if my parents and sister were speaking in code, they were undoubtedly discussing something really juicy. It was maddening.

One day I got it into my head that I should give my family a taste of their own medicine: I would spell something, something really interesting, and they would be left hanging their heads in shame, confusion and sadness. Tragically, I failed to take into account two basic problems - the very two problems that landed me in my vengeful situation to begin with:

1) I couldn't spell.
2) They could.

Thus, when I marched up to my sister, in full view of my parents, and said, "Hey Julie, let's S-N-O-P," I did not get the reaction I hoped for.

I am twenty-eight years old now, and my parents still ask me occasionally if I would like to snop.